Don't Mourn For Us

I have recently stumbled upon this amazing piece of insight into the perspective of a person with autism. Jim Sinclair, the man who wrote this essay, is an adult with autism and did not speak until he was 12 years of age. In this essay, he speaks against the sadness and grief parents experience when their child is diagnosed with autism. He re-defines that grief experience as a mourning for loss of expectations of an imagined relationship - which he says has nothing to do with autism or with the child. He says "It isn't about autism, it's about shattered expectations".

The thoughts expressed in this essay have caused me to try to focus on Ethan's strengths more than I do, and accept him for the wonderful, delightful boy he is, instead of seeing him through my sometimes negatively-tinted autism lens. This has also challenged me to re-frame my concept of autism in terms of the positive aspects it brings to my child - autism is not necessarily negative.

Another key passage in this essay that resonated with me:
"You didn't lose a child to autism. You lost a child because the child you waited for never came into existence. That isn't the fault of the autistic child who does exist, and it shouldn't be our burden. We need and deserve families who can see us and value us for ourselves, not families whose vision of us is obscured by the ghosts of children who never lived. Grieve if you must, for your own lost dreams. But don't mourn for us. We are alive. We are real. And we're here waiting for you."

I have gained such insight and a different perspective on autism through pondering what Jim says in this essay; hopefully others do too.

Don't Mourn For Us